The Hades that is Time Warner Cable's "Customer Service"

I just wasted the past 90 minutes trying to solve an internet connection problem that has plagued me for weeks. It has gotten worse over time.

Each time I call Time Warner, the company that bought out Adelphia, I go through a phone labrynth until I reach the technical support department for internet service.

I have done this so many times now that I know which buttons to push before they recorded voice finishes her inane directions - thus getting me connected THAT much
faster. Of course, most of the time it is 'hurry up and wait' since a 'technician' is always "helping other customers" and I am to "please stay on the line" and I will be helped - eventually.

And each time I am connected to a pleasant young man who leads me through a series of computer hoops in order to correct the problem. It has gotten to the point that I try most of this stuff BEFORE I even call - thereby saving precious time.

Once I called and got a pleasant young lady - but she concluded that the problem was with my Norton Internet Security and that I needed to call them. I spent the next
55 minutes talking to some guy named Saresh or Harish in India - before he concluded that the problem was with the cable company - and NOT Norton. I was to call back Time Warner. I did and we did a comical rerun of the first call to the young lady - only this time it was a pleasant young man.

Go to "settings" and repair the connection? Check.
Shut down computer and start it back up again? Check.
Shut down computer, unplug little wire, count to 45 and
then hook it back in and start it all up again? Check.

I also try the cheater way - unplugging and replugging the little cable wire while the 'puter is on. THAT trick used to work but it doesn't anymore. The computer or the modem or whatever is plaguing me has caught on.

So today, Bryan, the pleasant young man assigned to help me, put me through the hoops. We went to the "black box" and did all kinds of "pinging" in order to find out what the problem is.

"Why don't you just reset the modem?" I asked. "That always seems to work."

"I want to get to the root of this problem," he said. "If you don't mind."

"Good man," I said. "Let's get to the root of this problem."

We disabled Norton and Pinged in the black box some more. (You get to it by clicking on 'run' from the Start box and then typing in "cmd.")

This took FOREVER. And the phone connection wasn't that good. The phone problem has been going on ever since I had to switch from SBC to stupid Verizon. But that is another post altogether. (I get to pay MORE for my telephone and get worse service.)

Then, Bryan told me that the problem was most likely the modem. I asked him if the modem was INSIDE my computer and he said no, it was the cable box I got from Adelphia. The one with all the lights.

He said he could hook me up to my local service provider to set up an appointment for a service technician to come out and replace the box. The last time one of these
pleasant young men attempted to do that, I was connected to San Antonio, Texas, and was told off by a rather unpleasant young man who wanted to know why I called HIM
when I am clearly in California and not San Antonio, Texas.

"I didn't call you, I was connected to you by somebody at your help desk," I replied, feeling foolish and annoyed all at once.

"Well, ma'am.. I can't help you. Nothing for you comes up on my screen."

"So what do I do?" I asked him. "Can you connect me to somebody who can help me?"

"No - you will have to call back the place you just called. Ask them to connect you again."

Needless to say, I didn't call back again - until today when ONCE AGAIN I had connection problems. After spending almost 2 hours with me on the line, Bryan connected me, successfully, to rather UNpleasant young man named Robert.

"What can I do for you?" Robert asked in a monotone. I started to go through the whole story and then said, "Bryan gave me a ticket number. Would that help you?"

"I got the ticket number." (Dead silence.) So that means he has the whole sordid pinging history right in front of him. Apparently he didn't understand it. Bryan assured me that all my "history" would be on the screen for local company.

Then he spoke. "What can I do for you?"

I patiently told him about my internet problems and he asked if the little box's lights were lit up.

"Yes. They are always lit up," I replied.

"Well. Then there's nothing wrong with the modem."

"But Bryan determined that it WAS the modem." I said, getting annoyed. "What should I do now?"

He waited awhile and then said, "You can just monitor it. Watch it and see if the lights go out."

I almost laughed. I am to "watch" the box? THAT will solve this problem?

"The lights NEVER go out," I said through rather gritted teeth. "And the computer won't connect to the internet."

"If the lights are on, the problem is not with the modem."

"Then what IS THE PROBLEM?" I asked patiently, once again.

There was dead air and I was certain that Robert had hung up on me.

"If the technician comes out and there is no problem you are going to be charged a service call."

"But if the problem is the modem - then how can I be charged?"

"If the lights are on, the modem is not the problem."

Robert gave me a choice of times and I selected the morning. He asked me AGAIN for my name and phone number. Apparently, all of Bryan's helpful information was written
in a language that Robert didn't care to understand.

So, I gave him my name and telephone number, reiterated that yes, the bill IS in my husband's name, and thanked him for his half-hearted attempt to "help."

Then he thanked me profusely for calling Time Warner Cable. Well... as profusely as a man who speaks in monotone can muster.

I'm thinking that WiFi is sounding better and better everyday.

:-)K