Is it today?

Below is a transcript of a phone conversation I had this morning with Tabatha's grandmother.

The phone rings. I pick it up and answer in my usual manner.

Me: "Lengning."

Gramma: "Hi Mrs. Lengning. This is ____ _____, Tabatha's gramma."

Me: "Good morning, Mrs. ________."

Gramma: "What time is Tabatha coming back from the field trip today?"

Me: "Today?"

Gramma: "Yeah. The field trip. What time is she coming back?"

Me: "The field trip to Placerita Canyon is on Monday, Mrs. _______."

Gramma: "No. It's today. I need to know what time she comes back 'cause I have to go to the valley."

Me: "The field trip is Monday, May 5, Mrs. _________."

Gramma: "SHE thinks it's today! She keeps telling me it's today!"

Me: "Mrs. ________, SHE also thinks Diego is going to marry Hannah Montana."

Gramma: "It's supposed to be today!"

Me: "Every homework packet since early April has said that our Placerita field trip is on MONDAY, MAY 5, Mrs. ______. We also sent home a reminder, and Tabatha got TWO permission slips, which you signed. They all said Monday, May 5. Cinco de Mayo."

Gramma: (sounds of exasperation)

Me: "I will be sending home a paper today with the afternoon drop-off time on it. She will be coming home with the big kids on MONDAY AFTERNOON."

Gramma: (More exasperation.)

Me (deciding to take the high road): "I am sorry for any confusion, Mrs. ____________. "

Gramma: "Yeah. Well. I'm just glad I CALLED."

I resisted the urge to retort something that would underscore how ludicrous this entire conversation was, given that the woman obviously doesn't READ what we send home.

When Tabatha arrived at school, I said, "Hey, dippity doodle, WHEN is our field trip?"

Tabatha paused and looked at me like I was only employed because the district gives equal employment opportunities to middle-aged Boneheads. "TODAY," she says, rolling large brown eyes.

"When is our field trip boys and girls?" I called to the children, who were gathering on the rug for our Morning Meeting.

"MONDAY!" they shouted, "3 more days!"

Tabatha looked disgusted. Then she mumbled something under her breath.

"What was that?" I asked her, "I didn't quite hear you."

The child folded her arms and flounced down to the floor. Then she said, rather loudly, "I wanted it to be today!"