New Computer

The old computer has been on its last legs for a long time. It has been sluggish and unreliable the last few months and a game of Free Cell caused an automatic shutdown in the afternoons if the humidity was under 65%.

I tried to buy one from a local vendor but had no luck. The local vendors were either closed when I went looking or were staffed by fat foreign guys who tried to sell me what I didn't need while constantly flipping open their cell phones. This happened twice.

I went to the big box store and was amazed at the variety of computers. What amazed me more was the variety of teen-somethings with big-box name tags and absolutely nothing to do. When it dawned on me that customer service from these sloths was not forthcoming, I fled the store and came home to hide.

With credit card in hand, I went online to Dell and ordered this new machine. It is very nice. It lacks a media card reader, but I didn't know what a media card reader was when I was ordering, and when Dell "strongly recommended" one, I clicked on by. Now it seems I need one in order to use the memory stick for the camera. Go figure! Seems to me if something is "strongly recommended" as a component, then maybe Dell should just include it as part of the package.

The new machine arrived but I had no time to clean files off the old one, dismantle it, and then set up the new one. For two weeks the boxes sat in the living room, rather forlorn.

There were two graduations. There was a wedding. There was a quick trip up north. And then I had surgery.

No problem, I thought - I will set up the new computer a few days after surgery.

It took me hours BEFORE the surgery to clean out the files and copy them. It also took me hours AFTER surgery to unplug all the cords. I would travel to the computer, unplug a cord, and then go rest. Since the machine has many cords, you can imagine how many days this took.

Once the cords were unplugged and tied with little bread wires, they had to be moved into the livingroom next to the old keyboard - the only component I could move off the desk myself. Then I had to wait for the Y-chromosome people to find time and MOVE the computer carcasses off the computer desk and into the livingroom, next to the neatly wrapped cords.

And DUST? Can we just talk a minute about the dust? You can't set up a new machine in old dust. So - it took several trips to the hall closet to get the vacuum, remove the carpet attachments, roll the vacuum into the computer room, and then go rest. It took a few more trips to actually VACUUM.

Dustin came home at one point while I was vacuuming the middle portion of the computer desk. "You shouldn't be doing that," he said, leaning against the door frame.

"Yeah, I know. Feel free to jump right in," I replied, moving slowly around to face him. By the time I pivoted enough for a full-face conversation, he was gone. So I turned off the Dyson and went to rest.

The other Y-chromosome guy in this house said he would move anything I needed - just ask. When I asked, after resting, he said just a minute because the mother of all horse races that won't be repeated for another 30 years, is coming on. Then it was the U.S. Open. So I rested some more.

Then I decided to open the boxes. I got some nice scissors and settled down to the task from a seated position on the couch. It took me an hour to open them all. It took the Y-guy 30 seconds to pull out anything he didn't deem important and pile the unimportant stuff and the computer packing materials into one of the boxes. In the time it took him to move the new components to the nicely dusted computer desk, I was able to fish out the Owners' Manuals, the back-up CDs, the power cords, the Quicken software box, the Norton Anti-Virus package, the packing slip, and the computer mouse.

"Did you vacuum?" he asked, all indignant.

"What makes you think that?" I asked, gently easing myself up from the floor with about a thousand dollars worth of unimportant stuff.

"Okay, because I told you I would do that..." he says as he heads back to express his preference for Tiger Woods and horses with original names like "Brown Horse."

After proudly connecting the keyboard and the mouse to the appropriate places, I went to rest.

The next day, Ann came to the rescue. We set up the computer in a timely manner. This involved Ann vacuuming, Ann removing excess cords from computers long dead sent to electronic heaven, and Ann setting up and initializing the computer. I watched and she let me push a button. Then I rested. Ann installed the computer speakers and registered all the software.

Now I am going to go rest. It is strongly recommended.