The Dispellation of Rumor

The rumor mill has been busily churning of late and I am happy to report that, having attended an actual "planning committee" meeting, I can dispel some of the more creative false ideas that have implanted themselves insidiously in the psyches of local teachers.

1. The No Cafeteria Rumor: I am told that yes, there will be a cafeteria at the new school and that NO, teachers will not be required to feed children in the classroom. In fact, there will be staff in the cafeteria and NO, teachers will not be required to prepare the meals each day.

2. The No Library Rumor: I am assured that yes, indeed - there will be a library at the new school. It will not be housed in the cafeteria and will actually have BOOKS. Who knows about staffing, though. The rumor mill is free to grist away on this one.

3. The No Office Rumor: The new school will come complete with an actual office. This means that teachers will not have to double as attendance clerks, secretaries, or nurses. Teachers will also not have to answer office telephones on a 'tag team' basis.

4. There will be NO Administrator on Site Rumor: Well... the administrator will be like the Velveteen Rabbit. He/she may or may not be "real." He/she will have "authority" but since an administrative credential is lacking within the two likely candidates, the title will be real and the authority will be real but he/she will lack certain administrative things, like... the huge paycheck and the ability to evaluate their own teachers.

5. The We Will Teach Out of Boxes in a Tin Shack Rumor: There are tangible buildings. Teachers are expected - no, encouraged - to unpack.

6. The Porta-Potty Rumor: There will indeed be real bathrooms. Well, no permanent bathrooms. Just "real" bathrooms actually hooked up to a sewer. Or a septic tank. There will be no portable potties with holes for threatening the misbehaving children.

I can't dispel any myths about the lack of playground and landscaping. This will be paid for, according to the superintendent, with funds "left over" from the construction. This means, of course, that we may as well keep that rumor alive and hope to goodness that kindergarten tricycles can be ordered with oversized rubber "dirt" wheels.