Scream and Holler: The Family Across the Street

The family across the street is a never-ending source of jaw-dropping amusement for me. But the amusement borders on annoyance most of the time since the mother in me just wants to stomp outside and tell them to knock it off. In the interest of neighborhood peace, I don't do this, but the temptation is often of Biblical proportions.

This afternoon, one of the older boys, Daniel, is supposed to mow the lawn. Grampa asked him to do it after muttering a few expletives and then driving away with a huge scowl on his face.
Daniel began the process of mowing the lawn after much revving of the motor and cursing at the younger boy, Nick, to get the "____" out of the way.

Nick, of course, is one of those really, really, really annoying little kids with a high pitched caterwaul that serves as his speaking voice. His favorite word begins with "f" and he uses it liberally. As I teacher, I can appreciate the way he can use the word as a noun, an adjective, and a verb.

Daniel mows with the A.D.H.D. method. He mows a couple rows and then shuts of the motor to yell at Nick. This isn't pleasant, since Daniel's voice has only recently changed and he often hits a sour note.

After another couple of rows, he shuts off the mower in order to go sit on a motorcycle that has recently turned up in this family's toy-strewn and junk-packed garage. The noise from his constant revving is only slightly more annoying than the caterwauling of Nick who pleads for a ride. Daniel replies by taking off and riding down the street, popping wheelings and making as much noise as humanly possible on a motorcycle. Then he drives it back into the garage to yell "_____ no!" at Nick who curses a blue streak when his newest and latest demand to ride the motorcycle is turned down.

Daniel again begins mowing. He stops to empty the bag, which is probably 1/3 of the way full of clippings, since he's only mowed about 12 square feet of lawn.

Grampa drives up, still scowling, to see that the lawn isn't mowed and more yelling and expletives are exchanged. Nick then delights is informing Grampa that Daniel rode the motorcycle "down the street and back" and Daniel responds by loudly suggesting the Nick go and do something anatomically impossible to himself.

Grampa rolls the motorcycle into the back yard and then retreats back into the house, yelling at Daniel to finish mowing the "_____ ______ lawn." Daniel, of course, responds by screeching "I am! I AM!" He added something vaguely vulgar under his breath, but I was too far away, sitting in my own house, to appreciate what he said.

Then the oldest son saunters out of the house and asks where the "____" the motorcycle is and a fresh round of demands for a ride erupts from Nick, who is busy riding his bicycle back and forth across the driveway and over the lawn area that Daniel is once again mowing.
Daniel shuts off the mower and proceeds to call Nick a "little _______ ________ jerk" and chases him off the grass while the oldest boy, Anthony, proceeds to trot out the motorcycle, start it up, and rev the motor about 30 times.

I can only begin to tell you how pleasing this was - Daniel screaming at Nick, Nick screaming for a chance to ride the motorcycle, and Anthony revving the bike as many times as he possibly can without actually taking off. When he finally does pop a wheelie and proceed down the driveway, it is with Nick giving chase on his bicycle and Daniel calling Anthony a "______ face" for riding the motorycle at all.

Grampa comes out just as Anthony pulls the motorcycle back into the garage and Daniel stops the lawnmower to make sure that the old guy KNOWS that Anthony has ridden the bike down the street. Grampa, I am assuming, has figured this out because everyone within a 2 block radius knows that someone was riding the bike up and down the street.

A little while later, Grampa takes off again in his car while the mower sits in the middle of the lawn and Anthony begins incessantly bouncing a basketball - which he whizzes over Nick's head as the younger boy demands an opportunity to shoot the ball. As he pulls out of the driveway, Grampa yells at Daniel to start trimming the "______ lawn." Daniel replies "OKAY! ______ ______ _______!"

Grampa returns and pulls a gas can out of the trunk of his car. He has been gone for ten minutes. The older boys are now bouncing the basketball off Nick and his bicycle. Nick, of course, is none to quiet about this abuse. He must, of course, loudly inform Grampa of that his brothers are using him for target practice. He produces a few tears for full effect.

Grampa hands the gas can to Daniel and tells him to finish the "_____ ______ mowing". I am presuming that the lawnmower was out of gas.

When Grampa goes inside the house, Anthony takes the gas can, fills up the motorcycle while Daniel screeches at him to knock it the _______ off" because he needs the gas to mow the "______ _______ lawn."

Anthony takes off on the motorcycle. Nick grabs the basketball. Daniel rolls the lawnmower into the garage and steals the basketball from Nick.

I wonder what they're having for their "____ _____" dinner.
:-)K